Hotel Hell

As I spend my second week in Columbus IN, I thought I’d spend this week’s grump post addressing an issue at hand: hotels. Or, specifically, this hotel.

When I checked into this hotel, the desk clerk told me that they were upgrading their elevators so only one was operational. Also, since they had booked me into a 7th floor room, I’d have to call down to get the elevator sent up since the button up there wouldn’t work.

OK… So I don’t have to carry my heavy bags up 7 flights, right?

Oh no, you’ll be ok.

So I made my way to the elevator, only to find another guest calmly waiting for the lone elevator to return to the ground floor. He’d pushed the call button (which should work down here) about five minutes ago, but no dice so far. No vibrations, no sound, no elevator. We waited a few more minutes, then he gave up and hiked to his 3rd floor room.

I waited another five minutes and headed back to the front desk. I was NOT carrying my heavy bags up seven flights.

So, they moved me to a ground floor room. As long as I didn’t mind the pool noise right outside my room…

Well, I’d seen the giant pool on my way to the elevator, and it was 20 or so yards from the room doors, so I said no problem.

I’m sure that’s what he meant, but in fact the pool noise I found more annoying was from the pool tables sitting three feet from my room door. Yes, that’s tableS with an S.

Then, of course, there’s the free WIFI that’s available in the hotel. Very convenient, when I first got to my room.

It hasn’t worked right since.

Every time I try, I can connect but to “limited use.” Which means, I get even worse connectivity than I did years ago with my 300 baud dialup modem – at least the modem would return something. All I get from the “free WIFI” is an error message. I tried hopping on the computer in the business center, but guess how it connects to the internet?


How useful.

They also have a fitness center, which is nice. It has four elliptical machines, two treadmills, and a weight machine. The only thing that works is a single treadmill.  (That should get your heart rate up…)

Editor’s note: This morning I finally was able to figure out how to get one of the “broken” cardio machines to work, by asking someone who was already there using one. Apparently, instructions are more of an oral tradition.

Also, not that it’s the hotel’s fault, I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since I got here.

And the one time I allowed the room to be cleaned, my TV remote control disappeared from my room. And guess what you need to make the TV work? That’s right, the manual buttons on the set don’t do anything.

I’m feeling very Walter on this trip, and this hotel isn’t helping. Or, rather, it’s helping me feel very Walter.

Thanks, Clarion

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